THE Mall

I did something tonight that I haven't done in many years. I'm not proud to admit it, but it just seemed like the place to go when you're single and contemplating leaving Minnesota.

I went to the Mall of America.

For those of you outside of Minnesota, you might think that we Minnesotans spend as much time as possible at the Mall of America... I mean, when it's so close, wouldn't you want to go all of the time?

The answer is a big fat NO.

The only time I go to the Mall of America is when someone from out of town comes into town and wants to go there. I try my hardest to stay as far away from that mall as much as possible... and it isn't too difficult. I was surprised how long it has been. But it sure was an informative trip.

I walked by the Abercrombie & Fitch store and I really wanted to go in, but there were two people outside who looked like greeters/clerks that would welcome anyone in. To me, they looked like pretty bouncers who would not allow anyone to go in who couldn't be on the front cover of a magazine. Even though the boys are cute in there, I decided it would be best for me not to go in, lest I be judged by my looks.

It seems that malls are the only places of shopping that have God awful names for their stores... things like "It's A Puzzle" [game store] and "Magnet Max" [a magnet store... ever heard of that one before?!]. There was one store that was called "Pink" and the store lived up to its name. When I looked in, all I could see was bright pink EVERYWHERE. Even when I averted my eyes, all I could see was pink everywhere. A little freaky. Then there is "Torrid" for plus-sized women. An interesting name choice I think...

One thing I never realized before was all of the Minnesota-themed stores they have... I think that Garrison Keilor is in each store in some way, shape, or form. I didn't know Minnesota was that marketable.

There is a theme park in the center of the mall. I noticed lots of people, like a huge line of people, like a gajillion people lined up near there and I was wondering if the theme park could attract that many people. I was wrong. Alton Brown of the Food Network was in the center signing autographs. I was thinking of asking him to sign my tongue, but there were too many people there to get to him. I didn't know he was that popular. My apologies, Alton, if you read Grover's Corners.

Perhaps I will go back to the Mall of America one more time before I leave for Philly. Perhaps not. I got some good exercise and a lot more laughs than I expected... I guess the Mall of America is good for something besides tourism...